Please.

Please, please, please, please know this Scarlett, please know that I love you. Please know that every time I say the word please that it is a silent prayer escaping my lips. A prayer that I will be with you again someday. Please know that my love for you grows everyday even though you are in heaven and I am here. Living. Without you. I am living on, continuing on, never moving on. I could never move from you, away from you, on without you. So I carry you with me, always, in everything that I do you are there. Even in the simple everyday things like the first sip of tea every morning and the last little exhale as I fall asleep. You are there with me when I am with your brother. I can feel your light shining on us as I fall just as in love with him as I am with you. I can feel your happiness that he is in our lives healing deep, gouged and neglected wounds that lay in our hearts. Please know daughter that I struggle with my longing to know who would be now and my pure gratitude that I got to have you in my life even if for just a little while. I struggle every day, just to get out of bed, just to open my eyes to look at your urn, to wake up to another day of you being dead. Because in sleep I dream and when I dream I dream only of you. Happy and alive. please , please, please don't be dead. 

Please, please. Please know that I love you with everything I have left in my body, please know I will try to make you proud of me, please know I will never forget you. Please know that in the simplest and most complicated forms of longing, I long for you. 

I love you Scarlett. Please.