Our New Normal

On January 16, 2018, my husband and I entered our new normal. A world in which we don’t have our baby girl with us anymore, a world where we have to live with a hole in our heart and a missing piece of our soul, a world where I’ve become more aware of other mothers and fathers also living in this new normal.

As a former labor and delivery nurse, I was blessed to be a part of the joyous moments of mothers bringing their children into this world. I was also apart of the devastating moments that mothers had to go through when they heard those horrible words “there is no heartbeat.” Before I had my daughter these moments were sad, of course, but since January 16th I sometimes sit and think about these women and wonder how they are coping with their new normal.

As a current IVF nurse, I am once again blessed to be apart of the joyous moments of couple’s dreams coming true. I get the amazing job of calling these moms and saying “Congratulations you are pregnant!” But I’m also a part of their heartbreak, when the pregnancy test is negative or there is no heartbeat on their 7 week ultrasound. Before January 16th, I was sad for them, after January 16th I am devastated for them. Now they are a part of this new normal club that none of us want to be apart of.

I used to be blissfully unaware of what happens to these angel parents once they are behind closed doors. Now I am fully aware of what happens behind those closed doors; what happens when the grief attacks us like ninjas, what happens when we have to act like we are “ok “ and are anything but. This new normal sucks and I would love to say it gets better but honestly we just learn to live with a piece of us missing but I take solace in knowing that we have our very own angel looking over us. We all have a new normal. This is my story, what’s yours?