Well here we are friends, tomorrow is Father’s Day. I can’t tell you how utterly heart wrenching it is to go through these holidays ( Mother’s and Father’s Day) Without our baby. As I said before grief comes and recedes (never going away) like waves, and the waves are rolling in lately. It is hard to be on social media these days, something pops up and triggers a huge wave pain, that drop to your knees sobbing while trying squeeze your arms around yourself so you don’t fall to literal pecies pain. I have been seeing little signs of Scarlett everywhere, Cardinals all around, butterflies floating by, rainbows, and beautiful wildflowers. One of my Favorite signs was at the Meijer Gardens we saw a little baby bunny, hopping around. I’m sure not many people know but I called Scarlett Honey Bunny all the time. I was so poignant to see this bunny right after we decided what tree to get Scarlett at the gardens. (We picked the Japanese Maple!) It was as if Scarlett was telling us she approved. Not a day goes by recently that I don’t cry. Grief has been extremely heavy and sticky as of late. I think it happens with the change of seasons, and remembering where we were at last year this time. I was completely in love with my life. I had everything I had wanted. I had never imagined this is where my life would end up, but that’s life right? Throwing curve balls when you least expect it. I am grateful for the time I had with her and grateful for the love we shared.
Watching Ben become a Father was the best transformation I have ever seen. He loves Scarlett with such ferocity. He would take her with him everywhere he went. They had their special adventures at the Gardens and they had their own special routines. She had him wrapped around her finger, and she knew just what to do to get that extra cookie. Their relationship was and is completely different than mine with Scarlett. Completely different but equally as special and valid. He took such great care of her and he takes such great care of her memory. He is an AMAZING Dad.
A message to ALL of the Father’s/ Stepdads/ Guardians reading this. You are meant to be in your child's life, No one can and will love them like you do. No one knows your relationship like you and your child. No matter your relationship know that you are doing the best you can with what you have. Whether you are expecting your first child, holding them as you read this, maybe they are outside playing, all grown-up with children of their own, or maybe they are in heaven with Scarlett. You matter to them. You are and will always be their Dad.
Happy Father’s day to all of the wonderful Dads out there and an extra bit of love to all of the loss Dads, because we know how hard this day is for you. We see you. We know you grieve, and we love you.