Leaning In

Let’s talk about leaning in to grief real fast. Sometimes is is hard for me to let myself fall into my grief and grieve fully in that moment. Mindfulness however teaches us that we should allow ourselves to stop and acknowledge what we are feeling. I got punched in the face today with grief. My husband sent me this video of Scarlett. I'm sure he sent it to me a year ago as well, but I don’t remember seeing it. So to me this is a new memory of my daughter. I have a new memory of my daughter. That is so precious, what an absolute gift! Here comes the sadness though, what an absolutely rarity. How many new memories will I have of her in the coming years? Maybe a story or 2 told by friends or family. This video was simultaneously the most wonderful gift for a bereaved mother and the most  poignant realization of the life shattering loss we have endured. So I let myself cry, all day. I let myself be sad and I let myself lean into my grief. This is a form of self care guys. I have so much gratitude for this video but that does not soften my aching heart today. So the gift I give myself today are my tears which represent the immense amount of love I have for my daughter. Tears, my friends, are never weakness. Never. In fact, for me, tears are incredibly healing. They show me where I need to send a little extra self love. They help remind me to hold space for myself, and to give myself grace because crying for a day is not a failure. It is apart of my grief journey. Like I said in my video, it is okay to not be okay, and today I am not okay.